Surf Shrink

Surfing Addiction

As an avid surfer, it takes great courage and fortitude for the Surf Shrink to discuss a personal problem which he has confronted; that is, the heartbreak of Surfing Addiction. Many good people, even those with my incredible interpersonal insight and stability of character have wrestled with this disease.

Like many psychopathologies, the key to effective treatment is early detection. The etiology of Surfing Addiction is well understood, as are the symptoms. So here, as a service to our readers, are some of the danger signs that require immediate attention when exhibited by you or someone you love.

Change In Eating Habits. Does your loved one get up before surfing and eat a banana and chase it with a double latte? Then, after surfing does he or she consume 2,000 calories of whatever is available in the refrigerator? Take note.

Recurring Sleep Disruption. When one of my clients describes this symptom, I immediately suspect Surfing Addiction. The person finds himself or herself waking up in the middle of the night, gasping for air. Of course there is a dream associated with the event. It usually involves a double-overhead set rolling in on the horizon but the person can't move his or her arms. In other cases the person dreams of driving over a hill towards the coast and seeing a set of clean lines rolling into the beach. That will always take one's breath away.

Loss of Sexual Appetite. Have you canceled your subscription to Playboy and subscribed to Surfer's Journal? Instead of renting an adult video from behind the curtain at your local video store, do you head straight to the sports section to see if they have a copy of September Sessions? This is an important clue in the later stages of surfing addiction.

Driving Distraction. Law enforcement officials in California and Florida have noted a trend in traffic accidents on coastal highways. A statistical analysis of the data reveals that the driver took his or her eyes off the road to stare at every point break, dangerously slowing the car while watching for a set. If you or your partner have experienced more than three coastal collisions in the last year it is a sure sign of Surfing Addiction.

Multiple Physical Indicators. Some patients reveal serious physical correlates of their psychological addiction. Incessant scratching of the legs and other body parts due to rashes from wetsuits or board shorts is one. Other addicts develop very large shoulder muscles and have difficulty combing their hair or replacing an overhead light bulb. Funny bumps on the knees and feet are familiar to many, as is a peeling bald spot on the top of the head. Bad hair is an obvious problem which results from salt water rises and sun screen rubbed on the scalp in a desperate attempt to protect the bald spot.

Decline in Professional Motivation. Surfing addicts find their personal and professional lives are consumed in the never ending search for good waves. Symptoms include checking every surf forecast site on the internet (against company policy), constantly emailing friends to determine the location of new swells, and sitting with a blank stare in staff meetings. This last bit of evidence is often accompanied by an embarrassing sinus discharge, where a large sample from the ocean drains from one's nose onto the conference table.

Accumulation of Paraphernalia. Addicts are known to collect a variety of tools that support their desperate habit. In the case of Surfing Addiction this takes the form of many boards (whether or not they are ever ridden). Various wetsuits, leashes, roof racks, old beach towels, traction pads and helmets may round out the collection.

If any of these symptoms appear and persist, the person, maybe it's you, could be suffering from Surfing Addiction. Our recommendation is to contact a therapist certified by the ASP (Association of Surfing Psychologists).

p.s. Of these symptoms, the Paraphernalia is the most concerning. If your garage looks like the one below go immediately to the nearest psychiatric facility and seek help. (My seventh board was in the car.)

Surfing Neuroanatomy

As most historians know, our founding father Sigmund Freud was more than an explorer of the unconscious mind and hidden desires and fears. He was, most of all, a physician who understood the importance of physiological and neurological processes in behavior. Today, few remember his seminal works exploring the gross anatomy of the surfer's brain. Through careful observation of surfers with brain injuries and meticulous autopsies of former German surfers, Freud soon mapped the brain's influence on our modern day behavior at the beach.

The premotor cortex assists skilled surfers in anticipating and planning complicated maneuvers executed through the motor cortex. Imagine, for a moment, Windan'Sea at double overhead breaking on the shallow reef and jacking up from the backwash. Are you lined up correctly? Paddle! No, I'll never catch it. No, I'm too late. No, I'm caught on the lip. No, I'm going over the falls. This portion of the brain then helps plan the best reentry point and angle.

The parietal lobe deals with various senses. The taste of tainted water at the Ocean Beach jetty after a heavy rainfall will be detected by this area. Should you continue to surf, knowing that bacterial pneumonia could keep out of the line up for weeks? This area of the brain also allows us to enjoy the wonderful feeling of a jelly fish slipping between our fingers while paddling out.

The occipital lobe permits surfers to stare at the horizon for hours on small days. Searching, searching, searching for the set which will never come. Conversely, this lobe allows our eyes to process the image of the sneaker set. Rolling in from the horizon like a storm front, the rogue waves descend. Paddle harder and perhaps get over? Stop, and let the macker break top to bottom, hopefully dissipating before it engulfs you? Better yet, paddle fast, then stop, then paddle, then stop. Then panic. Allow the brunt of the wave to break on your head and drive you to the bottom.

The cerebellum is essential for balance. In most new surfers, regardless of their age, this takes between 100 and 200 sessions to evolve fully. During maturation, one will see new surfers sitting peacefully on their boards, then suddenly turtle to expose their inexperienced feet to the skies. The preliminary stages of catching waves can therefore be problematic. The "pearling" phenomenon, as it is known in the surfing world, is that extraordinary feat where a beginner descends the front of the wave standing too far forward on the board. The nose of the surfboard submerges, and the unfortunate participant is jettisoned in a most humorous way.

Wernicke's area was named after the first European surfer to properly execute an inverted aerial on a large wave. Essentially, this portion of the brain integrates all the senses you hoped were still functioning after drug experimentation in your youth. Perfect surfing? No problem. Your brain must simply coordinate the sensations of your chest on the board, velocity of movement, angle of the wave face, smell of the salt water, feel of the spray in your face, the utter excitement and/or fear as you begin the drop, the visual line of the wall before you, peripheral images of beginners parked in front of you looking like deer in a car's headlights, etc. Very simple sport. Just like skiing in an avalanche in an extreme sports video.

We are blessed by Broca's area which allows us to mutter the right prayers on big days, clever profanities when we dig a rail, or the right combination of hoots, screams and cries when we somehow succeed.

Of course, our temporal lobe comes very handy in the sport of surfing. Involved in hearing, it allows us to tune out that geek who's telling you about his last trip to Hawaii where he put the locals "in their place" by a series of unbelievable moves. Since this area also controls memory, it has been long thought that surfers may suffer a genetic predisposition for temporal lobe atrophy or shrinkage. For decades, neurologists have been pondering why surfers have memory distortion similar to that observed in fisherman. Waves are recalled as much larger than experienced. Wipeouts are resurrected as near death experiences. The length of the last surfing session is always overestimated. In addition, surfers seem to remember radical turns and tricks that were never really executed, except in their heads.

Last, but not least, the frontal lobe. In this mystical region of the brain we balance our thoughts, desires, and emotions to make proper decisions while surfing. Drop in on one's friend and enjoy a perfect wave? Paddle in now so you will be home early to do your chores? Go to work, or call in sick and continue surfing? Empirical studies have shown that repeated head bashing by competing surfers often damages this region. Scarring of the neural tissue results in mindless aggression, delusions of surfing supremacy, and a nasty demeanor which often provokes beach mobs to lynch the unfortunate victim.

The brain. Such complex machinery to drive so many futile attempts at mastery of an impossible sport.

Pavdog's Experiments

You may not be aware of Ivan Pavdog’s extensive experimentation in conditioned response. In his seminal research, Pavdog found strong support for his hypothesis that surfers are phylogenetically challenged and often evidence canine-like behavior. The study was both creative and stunningly elegant in its simplicity. A group of 12 surfers, aged 14 through 64 were strapped to a chair. Small, subcutaneous electrodes were inserted in the sculls of participants. These electrodes were connected to a hand-cranked generator which delivered approximately 120 volts of electricity. Using an early version of the slide projector, Pavdog displayed images of extremely large, clean-breaking waves and photographs of models from Reef advertisements. He also used a burrito-scented aerosol mist.

In Phase 1 of the study, each participant was brought into a darkened room and secured to the chair. The electrodes were then inserted in both temples, approximately two centimeters superior and anterior to the external auditory meatus. First, the images of large waves were displayed, followed by a severe shock to the brain. Next, the images of the Reef model were shown, followed by the shock. Finally, the mister was used to create the smell of overcooked refried beans and high fat ground beef. Once again the shock was administered. As all neurologists and physiological psychiatrists understand, a shock to the brain yields involuntary and uncontrollable salivation. An assistant stood by with a Ficter high-absorbency laboratory mop to clean up the results.

During Phase 2 of the experiment, researchers were disguised as tourists, complete with Bermuda shorts, white socks with black shoes, and camcorders hanging from the neck. These researchers secretly followed the research participants (the experimental group) as they headed to the beach. Other researchers followed 12 surfers who had not participated as subjects (the control group).

Eleven out of 12 subjects in the experimental group salivated profusely while looking at big surf, while walking by a taqueria, or when seeing big waves. This incidence was statistically significant (p. < .001). But the truly profound and serendipitous finding was that 12 of the12 surfers in the control group, those who had not been shocked, had exactly the same response as the experimental group. Pavdog earned his place in the annals of scientific greatness with this simple finding; surfers are animals and will salivate at anything that looks good.

Traumatic Surf Withdrawal

Editor's Note: A few years ago we suffered through a few weeks of horrible conditions in Northern California. Even Ocean Beach looked like a lake. Out of this frustration, the following article was written. Note that it was published before in SurfCheck.com.

With a background in psychology, I am acutely aware of the many severe reactions that may occur when a surfer is denied access to decent waves. Therefore, I have listed the top ten danger signs indicating that a surfer is going through withdrawal and may need immediate help. As a public service I have passed along the following self-test used to diagnose this serious condition.

1.Do you wake-up dreaming about glassy overhead sets at Steamer Lane?

2. Have your sinuses finally dried out?

3. Has your wife seen you before noon for two Saturday mornings in a row?

4. Have you watched every surf video you own, using the slow motion button during the best parts?

5. Do you find yourself telling war stories at work that begin with "I was so far back in the barrel"?

6. Have you completely stripped and waxed your extra surfboard that you never ride?

7. Is the circumference of your stomach exceeding that of your chest?

8. Have you finally cut the waist-high grass in your back yard?

9. Do you take the Surf Check Surf Tour and pretend that the photos were taken this morning?

10. Do you send angry e-mail to your favorite web site because you don't like the depressing forecast?

If you answered yes to four or more of these questions, you may be suffering from TSW (Traumatic Surfing Withdrawal) and need professional help. Better yet, get on a plane and find some surf. You can forget about Hawaii, though. Last time I looked, the Pipeline was knee-high!

Maslow's Hierarchy of Surfing Needs

As you all know, there are many important theories of psychological health and well-being. Each has much to contribute to our understanding of why we are so screwed up. And the more we understand about our psychopathology, the more we can avoid our problems by blaming others, using controlled substances, and paying inordinate amounts of money to therapists whose children are either in detox centers or juvenile delinquency homes.

Psychoanalysts makes it plain that the root of all problems is thumb sucking and potty training. Unfortunately, most surfers never surpassed the early stages of Freud’s model of development.

The Humanists understand that the world would be a better place if we all owned bean bag chairs and got in touch with our feelings. Surfers understand this. Sitting around in front of the TV sucking down Coronas and eating stale potato chips “centers” oneself.

The Existentialists still aren’t sure of why we’re here, but our lot in life is to continue on that endless search for meaning. Some surfers strongly advocate this paradigm. After all, who else would sleep in cockroach infested flop houses and eat tainted food for the opportunity to surf in Outer Makeasandbar.

Behaviorists make clear that the right balance of electric shock therapy and M&M’s will make anyone do anything. Few surfers realize that they have been receiving intermittent reinforcement on a variable ratio schedule for years. Just like a slot machine, you never know when your favorite break is going to fire off. Or, when you will be able to crank that perfect bottom turn instead of digging a rail and getting slammed.

Physiological Psychologists are still looking for that elusive protein or enzyme or neuron that makes Rat Boy fly at Steamer Lane. Now. . . if it could only be cloned and injected into the rest of us speed bumps who are clogging the line-up like tennis balls in a toilet.

Perhaps the most famous of all theories belongs to Maslow. There isn’t any professional or undergraduate student who hasn’t be subjected to the hierarchy of needs. Basically, this model holds that you are hungry or in danger, you probably don’t give a damn about your self esteem or whether or not people like you. But in our civilized society, we can all search for the self-actualization and realize our fullest potential.

Most people aren’t aware of the adaptation of Maslow’s theory by the Surf Shrink. Simply stated, it's Maslow’s Hierarchy of Surfing needs.

As you can tell from this profound contribution to psychology, the behavior of surfers makes much more sense. Feed me, please don't let me embarrass myself today, and some day let me surf like Tom Curran. (Dream on.)

SurfHumor.com	Surf Shrink
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